Released on July 1st, but it takes a few days to propagate. This is what I should have released initially. It's been professionally copy-edited by some anonymous eagle-eye grammar person at createspace. It's intuitive to have your work edited, but in the process, you make a lot of changes. For example, after the first edit (before release) I removed two chapters, and added two more! Reading it the first time on the kindle, I noticed a bunch of errors, and decided to have this second (and final) professional edit.
I touched almost every paragraph of the book, mostly by adding a comma here, a hyphen there. I highlight the biggest changes in this post. I am sure the book still has errors and things I don't like, but I feel like it's in a pretty good state right now.
Also, if you've read/are reading version 1.0, it absolutely is not worth it to go back and get an updated copy. The story is the same.
Cruft
I removed most of chapter 22, and trimmed some other places pretty heavily. All told, the book's size has been reduced around 3%.
v1.0 has 94,588 words
v1.3 has 91,774 words
The fatness of the physical book has been more seriously reduced. I bumped the font down to a non-grandma size (from helevetica 11 to helevetica 10). The book is now 323 pages total (from 416).
Below is version 1.0 on the left, 1.3 on the right. The current version is 1.3.1, which has minor formatting changes around margins, the spine text.
My Favorite Change
Special Agent Jack Bauer was mentioned only once in this book, but he's prominent in the unreleased second. He is one of my favorite characters, the butt of a lot of jokes, many around his name. Anyway, my editor told me I'm not allowed to just use names like this without permission from "24". I almost named him "Agent Not Jack Bauer"
But I thought of an idea I like much more than the original. "Agent Kiefer Sutherland". The end.
Better comma usage.
Almost every paragraphs had a comma added, or a comma deleted. That said, there are some I didn't take.
Editor's way:
On his way out he opens several closets, until he finds what he is looking for.
But I like the way this reads without the pause, even if it may be technically incorrect, so I kept the comma out.
More active sentences.
Probably 20-50 of these.
Old: Light and air are pouring in from a shattered window
New: Light and air pour in from a shattered window
Old: Why should it be him who must leave?
New: Why should he be the one who must leave?
Old: Reflective light from the room is blocking the view.
New: Reflective light from the room blocks the view.
etc.
Hyphen Fixes
The editor hyphenated a bunch of words, and I didn't like the way many of them looked so I left it off (cell-phone? nope, I like cell phone).
Another example (did not take)
he makes his way to the common area restroom
to he makes his way to the common-area restroom
Still, I probably added/removed 20-50 hyphens
More consistent italics
Magazine titles, things they read, thoughts, and a few words that need emphasis are now in italics.
Tenses
I think this was one of the big bonuses to having it edited again. "Derek Darius had said" was sometimes made more active and inserted into the story. About 10-20 changes like this
Clarifying who says what
In at least ten places. "Autumn said, Johnny said."
Fragment Sentences I didn't take... most of them. Fragments. I like them.
Random Changes
Instead of working on a ski boat, I thought it'd be better if Johnny was working on a mailbox. I like the analogies there better, and the ski boat stuff was wordy.
Straight up Errors
Prologue: peaks to peeks
Chapter 1: You're to your
Chapter 2: "The old zombie move" ---> "The old zombie move"
Chapter 5: "The trick is to just to keep being myself, but with money. --> too many tos
Chapter 7: "grout between the tiles is teaming with some unspeakable ecosystem." --> teeming
Chapter 11: That’s how long it took for him get there. ---> missing "to get there"
Chapter 13: He will say that that he anticipated it --> too many thats
Chapter 15: Pedals --> petals
Chapter 16: Breaks ---> brakes
Chapter 20: About 60% removed
Chapter 21: Motomery --> Montgomery
Chapter 21: Tim doesn't seems to have noticed --> seems
Chapter 30: fires like its Grand Theft Auto III --> it's
Chapter 34: They've smelt blood --> They've smelled blood.
Chapter 43: The software for watching the video feeds is --> feed
I touched almost every paragraph of the book, mostly by adding a comma here, a hyphen there. I highlight the biggest changes in this post. I am sure the book still has errors and things I don't like, but I feel like it's in a pretty good state right now.
Also, if you've read/are reading version 1.0, it absolutely is not worth it to go back and get an updated copy. The story is the same.
Cruft
I removed most of chapter 22, and trimmed some other places pretty heavily. All told, the book's size has been reduced around 3%.
v1.0 has 94,588 words
v1.3 has 91,774 words
The fatness of the physical book has been more seriously reduced. I bumped the font down to a non-grandma size (from helevetica 11 to helevetica 10). The book is now 323 pages total (from 416).
Below is version 1.0 on the left, 1.3 on the right. The current version is 1.3.1, which has minor formatting changes around margins, the spine text.
My Favorite Change
Special Agent Jack Bauer was mentioned only once in this book, but he's prominent in the unreleased second. He is one of my favorite characters, the butt of a lot of jokes, many around his name. Anyway, my editor told me I'm not allowed to just use names like this without permission from "24". I almost named him "Agent Not Jack Bauer"
But I thought of an idea I like much more than the original. "Agent Kiefer Sutherland". The end.
Better comma usage.
Almost every paragraphs had a comma added, or a comma deleted. That said, there are some I didn't take.
Editor's way:
On his way out he opens several closets, until he finds what he is looking for.
But I like the way this reads without the pause, even if it may be technically incorrect, so I kept the comma out.
More active sentences.
Probably 20-50 of these.
Old: Light and air are pouring in from a shattered window
New: Light and air pour in from a shattered window
Old: Why should it be him who must leave?
New: Why should he be the one who must leave?
Old: Reflective light from the room is blocking the view.
New: Reflective light from the room blocks the view.
etc.
Hyphen Fixes
The editor hyphenated a bunch of words, and I didn't like the way many of them looked so I left it off (cell-phone? nope, I like cell phone).
Another example (did not take)
he makes his way to the common area restroom
to he makes his way to the common-area restroom
Still, I probably added/removed 20-50 hyphens
More consistent italics
Magazine titles, things they read, thoughts, and a few words that need emphasis are now in italics.
Tenses
I think this was one of the big bonuses to having it edited again. "Derek Darius had said" was sometimes made more active and inserted into the story. About 10-20 changes like this
Clarifying who says what
In at least ten places. "Autumn said, Johnny said."
Fragment Sentences I didn't take... most of them. Fragments. I like them.
Random Changes
Instead of working on a ski boat, I thought it'd be better if Johnny was working on a mailbox. I like the analogies there better, and the ski boat stuff was wordy.
Straight up Errors
Prologue: peaks to peeks
Chapter 1: You're to your
Chapter 2: "The old zombie move" ---> "The old zombie move"
Chapter 5: "The trick is to just to keep being myself, but with money. --> too many tos
Chapter 7: "grout between the tiles is teaming with some unspeakable ecosystem." --> teeming
Chapter 11: That’s how long it took for him get there. ---> missing "to get there"
Chapter 13: He will say that that he anticipated it --> too many thats
Chapter 15: Pedals --> petals
Chapter 16: Breaks ---> brakes
Chapter 20: About 60% removed
Chapter 21: Motomery --> Montgomery
Chapter 21: Tim doesn't seems to have noticed --> seems
Chapter 34: They've smelt blood --> They've smelled blood.
Chapter 43: The software for watching the video feeds is --> feed
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